I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
