Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
