I'm drive I can fine osifer
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
