so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
