I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
