you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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