And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
