Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
