I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
