Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
