ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
