went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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