big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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