i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
