just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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