Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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