i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
