As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
