Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
