How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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