Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
