I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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