very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I AM VODKA MAN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize