Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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