I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
