cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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