I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never underestimate the power of titties
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