An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i've created a new STD.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
