Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
