The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize