Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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