how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
