Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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