If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
