Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize