Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
