He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
