apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
