I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize