Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
