I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
