if you like me you must not know who I am
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
