We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
