Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
