I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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