I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
