I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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