I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize