I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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