Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
