I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish you could order shots online.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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