you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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