Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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