smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
