I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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