It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
