the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
