Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
