New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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