So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am available for nakedness
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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