I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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