Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Randomize
