Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
