I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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