It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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