The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
