WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
