I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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