What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
