Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
