Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
