so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
