you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
