I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
