How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
