so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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