My hand turned me down
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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