Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize