the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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