4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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