you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
