God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
