So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
