oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
