she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize