forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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