Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
