i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize