I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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