i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize