Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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