All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
