508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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