I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize