I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
