i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize