I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
