he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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