Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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