And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
