Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
