how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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