you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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