I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
whose parrot is this?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
