There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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