you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
