I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
