So drunk its hurt
are you so shy because you have an std?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
