I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
